~”I am a better person because I have learned how to communicate instead of arguing.”

 

I can tell you all that I have had many arguments over my lifetime. Little, medium, huge, and over the top arguments. Some may say I have a bad temper or I am a hot head! Well, I use to be years ago and I am still currently working on myself. I am a better person because I have learned how to communicate instead of arguing. Here are some simple steps that has helped me to communicate my thoughts better.

First, the approach of the confrontation sets the foundation of a discussion. I have learned to approach situations carefully and peacefully in order to receive a response that does not make me more angry. For example, instead of approaching your mate or friends with an attitude or aggressive behavior try using a more subtle approach. The usual approach when a person is angry may start off like, “What the ——?” or “How the—?:” When a person asks those questions, he/she doesn’t really want to know the answer or need a response. That is just an introduction before they go in on your ass!!

Now, a more subtle approach may begin with, “Hey, can I talk to you about something?”, “I really need to talk to you about something that has been bothering me.”, or for your mate, “Hey baby or sweetheart, can I talk to you about something?”  All of these approaches should generate a positive response. Just think about it. If someone approached you in a positive way like that, wouldn’t you respond back in a peaceful manner and be willing to talk? Men, I’m sure you would love the subtle approach more often, but you have to earn that soft and nice approach. You can’t do something extremely foul and think you will get a peaceful approach. And, if you have done something foul and her approach is soft, calm, and peaceful please run…It may not be safe!…lol

Communication is the key to a healthy relationship and now I understand what people have been saying all these years. Most disputes or issues can be resolved with positive communication skills. Arguments begin with emotions and anger that never resolve anything. Arguments also bring on verbal abuse and words that hit below the belt. These harsh words cannot be erased and they will stay within the relationship affecting your bond and opinions about one another.

Body language is a factor in communicating as well. Now, if your approach is nice but your body language looks like you are about to punch the person in the face… that won’t work!  Your body language should be positive as well. You don’t want the other person feeling your tension by your aggressive mannerism. It may also put the other person on the defense which will not resolve the dispute and only end up in an argument anyway. Many people find it hard to hide their emotions and it reflects in their body language. Therefore, you may need to cool down first before communicating with the other person.

Many studies have shown that you are supposed to choose the right time to communicate with your friend or mate.  I personally would not like it if someone wanted to talk to me during my work hours, when I’m watching my television shows or football, when I am sleepy, or when I am on vacation. I will immediately get upset no matter how nice they approach me. Studies have also shown that communication is not effective when done at night or in the evening hours. Mornings and afternoons are more effective because most people are alert as oppose to being tired in the evenings.

I understand that some topics of discussion will never be easy to discuss, but these few tips may make it a little easier. Always choose to communicate in any relationship rather than assuming. Communication will only clarify your emotions and feelings clearly to the other person. Understanding with communication is a powerful combination for a successful relationship.

~Lisa

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