“But after having so many conversations with my girlfriends, I’m trying to figure out why some are dateless and others are not able to keep a new prospective interest around for more than a few months.”

 

Okay, so that may be a little extreme. But after having so many conversations with my girlfriends, I’m trying to figure out why some are dateless and others are not able to keep a new prospective interest around for more than a few months.

What’s really going on?

 

Dating is not foolproof. It’s the kind of thing that is so subjective that no matter what, there is no real formula about how to do it the “right” way. I started looking at my friends (and myself included) to see if there was anything in common because of everyone having the same complaint. And since you can only be in control of yourself and what vibes you are sending out into the universe, check and see if you fit any of the categories. Especially if you are looking for a serious relationship.

Party Girl

Everyone likes the life of the party. She’s fun to be around, and she definitely helps to lift your mood when you are having a bad day. But when dating, a prospective new love wants a bit of balance. Partying is fun, but you also have to be able to stay home and maybe enjoy a movie with a home-cooked meal over candlelight.

Best Friend

The Homegirl. The one that likes to watch Sports Center, knows all the stats on the games, keeps a low profile, is always around to listen to her male counterparts nag about their women. She overly relatable to the guys and soon morphes into “One of the Boys.” Sure, a friendship is a solid start to a budding romance, but being one of the boys can keep you indefinitely in the friend zone instead of stepping into romance.

Aloof

Yes, when dating, you should keep an air of mystery about you. Dating is a delicate balancing act. Not too aggressive, but don’t hold back too much. What happens when you are naturally an introvert or if you have been hurt by love before? You may appear a bit aloof and hard to crack. When a guy is not personally invested in the beginning (totally normal), he’s may not put in too much effort to break down those defenses.

No Boundaries

The exact opposite of aloof. You give too much too soon (Read Sharing Too Much Too Soon). While it may seem endearing at first, and most people will soak it up, you end up feeling drained and unappreciated. Not everyone will give back the same energy that you give out. Set boundaries and give of yourself accordingly. Giving too much too soon can scare people away.

The Workaholic

We all like a go-getter. It is a trait to be admired. But you are not your work. When you lay down at night, no man wants to curl up to your degrees, your laptop, or your cell phone. You have to be able to turn it all off at some point in the day. Figure out who you are, and be aware if you are leading with your career and not who you are as a person. You may also have to check and see if you have the time to commit to nurturing a relationship at all if work and career are your priority.

We all have quirks. Those are to be expected. But figuring out who you are prior to approaching a relationship can be helpful so that you choose your mate wisely.

Which personality are you?

~Tamara

Read my blog column on Huffington Post