A letter to my heart originally written 10/04/10


Dear Heart,

I know that we dont communicate much and you are probably surprised to hear from me NOW. Where have I been? Well I opted to leave you to your daydreaming. At the time, it felt like a good idea. I didn’t think there was anything really wrong with it. Daydreamers tend to romanticize everything…..fantasizing and manifesting those things that do not currently exist. You know those things…the desires of our heart. Right?

What little girl hasn’t dreamed of finding her Prince Charming? Mr. TALL, DARK, and HANDSOME. You know what Im talking about! Don’t be embarrassed. What is my point you ask? Well, I say all this to say….that I do not fault you for what has happened.

Is it your fault that you are picking up the pieces? No, it isnt. It’s actually mine. I did not anticipate that this relationship would result in us being shattered into a million little pieces. I am the one that has a true perception of reality. I’ll admit that I felt immediate apprehension but ignored the signs. Im supposed to be the sensible one. I’ve maintained the catalog of all our past experiences; the good, the bad, and the ugly. I should have known better! I am the one with the common sense.

I was initially concerned but I thought I was supporting the best interests of our collective greater good.  I saw the truth early on when he did not return the calls for days or when he would hide his cell phone when visiting. Let’s not even mention the unresolved drama with exes that he brought into our relationship.  Maybe this is karma; did we care about her pain back then?  I saw the big red flags like blood gushing on snow white sheets and I knew; just like the others that he was not the one when he didn’t make us feel as though we were the priority as we negotiated small things like going to the movies or to the park. It seemed innocent enough when you gave him gas money because he was having hard times.  But was that done to buy love or out of sincerity?  How innocent was it really? How many times did we compromise and slowly lose our identity in that relationship?

So dear heart; I apologize for my part in the demise of our former self.  I’m sorry for the abrupt ending that has rocked and shattered us to the core.  I willingly accept responsibility and recognize my part in it because I am the one designed to protect us from these types of painful experiences.  I am our protector; I am our shield.

I hope that someday you can forgive me and that we will move past this. However, before I take all the blame I am going to write Self Esteem a letter too……because she has some serious explaining to do!

Please Forgive Me,

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