“Don’t get me wrong, he may have genuine feelings for you. The chemistry you feel is real. But he does not have the ability to give you what you need consistently and long term.”

You meet. It’s like this cataclysmic explosion of passion, desire, and chemistry. There is no denying that the two of you are in to each other.

But he does not hesitate to tell you that he is not ready for a relationship. Or maybe he works too much and doesn’t have the time to commit right now, but he wants you in his life.

He doesn’t want you. 

Don’t get me wrong, he may have genuine feelings for you. The chemistry you feel is real. But he does not have the ability to give you what you need consistently and long term.

He doesn’t want you. 

He calls you consistently for a week, texts you, even Face Times you. Then it goes radio silent for a few days, maybe even a week or two.

He doesn’t want you.

The two of you may have good conversation, enjoy your time together when you are together. You laugh at the same things, you talk about the future, discuss your dreams and goals.

Yet he hasn’t left his wife or his girlfriend and you are still his secret.

He doesn’t want you. 

What makes a woman stay around waiting for a man to change his mind?

Life is way too short to spend it waiting for someone to see your value and your worth. When the person you are interested in gives pause, or shows any red flags, believe those signs. Convincing yourself otherwise will lead to you breaking your own heart.

Here are a few red flags–

• He is getting out of a relationship- or still in one
• He says things like “I need space” or “I’m not ready for a relationship”
• He is not consistent- Not on time, doesn’t call regularly, etc
• Does not invite you into his life
• He has a history of being tortuously single

You may love the attention that he is giving you, when he gives it. But you deserve someone who is willing to be consistent with you , someone who is focused on making sure that you are alright and that you are getting what you need. There is no reason to be upset that it’s not working out. He told you, and showed you from the beginning that he did not want to be with you.

His words may say one thing, but his actions may say another. Don’t be so willing to accept the good things because they feel good and they serve your immediate needs and overlook those red flags. Don’t give too much too soon, and don’t force the conversation to try and label the relationship. If you are going to ignore the red flags or pacify them, at least be willing to be okay with the experience and drop the expectations.

Make sure he doesn’t have to tell you twice that he doesn’t want you.

~Tamara

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