“To me, this is much like the people that lie to themselves for the New Year, setting unrealistic goals that they won’t even remember one month later.”

An age old debate. Women are subjected to a double standard. If we explore and love ourselves as sensual and sexual creatures, we immediately get a bad rap. Unlike men who can rack up as many numbers as they would like to without so easily being labeled negatively.

You’ve been through one unsuccessful relationship after the next and your search for the right guy is not shaping up the way that you would like it to.  So as a woman, you end up going on sabbatical, taking a break, or becoming a born again virgin (or whatever you want to call that time in your life when you try and chill and live a life void of sex), convincing yourself that your body count resets itself every New Year’s Eve.

Your phone is dry as the desert, and you have not been on a date because you know that if you do, you are likely to go ahead and give it up just on the strength of the fact that you want to end your drought.

Can you survive without the D?

To me, this is much like the people that lie to themselves for the New Year, setting unrealistic goals that they won’t even remember one month later.  The best thing to do is declare a lifestyle change.

• Figure out why you have decided to live without sex. Many women are drained emotionally because they are either giving too much too early, or giving with the expectation of expecting in return.
• Be very clear what you want from the very beginning. Not many people are able to sustain a sex only relationship. Feelings get involved at some point. If we are mature enough to understand that fact, then you can either navigate them when they occur and reset the boundaries or be alright with letting go of the relationship completely.
• Figure out who your partner is outside of the bedroom. Don’t let things like good sex overshadow the fact that he just may be an asshole (no steady job, does not take you on dates, does not know how to speak to you respectfully, etc.)
• Learn to fully accept who you are. Most women are searching for something and think that they will find it in a relationship or companionship. That’s how many women end up thinking that sex= love when it simply does not. It is an intimate action, but does not always equate in the same amount of intimacy outside of the bedroom.

So ladies, the problem is not the D. It’s not something that you have to necessarily stop cold turkey and give up altogether, although there can be a certain amount of clarity in doing so. The key to anything in life is balance. Figuring out who you are aside of relationships will be helpful in the first place. You can survive without it. There are many women who can most certainly vouch for that matter. But sex is a natural and beautiful part of life and you should enjoy your femininity. Why deprive yourself? Enjoy yourself and live a little.

Follow Tamara on IG @bmorepeach