~ “Avoid dating the rebound guy, give yourself time get to know yourself in a different light.”

So now I’m a divorced woman with two children!!…  Am I ready to date again? “Before I got married and had two children my body was snatched honey!!”  “Now, after two kids I don’t think I want another man to see my body… I mean, I’m not comfortable with that!”  “How do I know when I’m dating someone?”  Do men still ask women, “Will you go out with me?” “How will my children react to Mommy dating someone?”  “Can I trust anyone again?” All these questions and more were going through my mind when I started dating after my divorce….. At the age of 30, I didn’t know how the dating scene went, I was out of the dating loop for almost a decade!

First question I asked myself, “Am I ready to date again?” Really the answer was, NO! However at the moment I thought I was ready to date. I think I waited about 4 months to begin dating another man. I didn’t let my kids know I was dating anyone because I thought it was too soon to introduce them to someone else. However, I enjoyed dating this guy. He took me out to concerts, movies, dancing, and many other dates. We had a great time together, but I noticed he was getting a little bit more serious about things than I was. Then, he started to show me a signs similar to my ex-husband’s! So you know what I did right? Yep, he was cut off!! I ran away from him immediately. I’m glad I did because I found out he was exactly like my ex-husband!

Women should allow themselves time to heal from the divorce before moving on to another relationship or commitment. Avoid dating the rebound guy, give yourself time get to know yourself in a different light. I know divorce may not be a good thing for some, but it is a chance for you to start over and start fresh.

One thing that really worked on my nerves in the dating field is all the texting. When I was dating we called each other on the telephone and got to know one another through long conversations. Now, men just text women to have conversations and ask them out on dates.  Also, social sites was another modern dating tool that works for a lot of women, but I did not like it.  Men would inbox me on these sites to flirt and ask me out which I thought was a little weird and a little weak. But, hey… it’s the new thing I guess?  I even had a few guys inbox me to ask me out, then a few weeks later they were either getting married or posting pictures of their wife and family on the same site they asked me out on.  Really? The dating world was beginning to be nothing but foolery!!!

Having relations with another person after divorce isn’t always easy when your body has changed. I don’t even think I had any cute matching bras and panties when I divorced. (Maybe that’s one of the reasons my marriage didn’t work… Just Kidding !)  Anyway, guess what I found out? Men don’t care about our flaws from carrying children. Some even think it’s very sexy.  I’m sure there are men out there that prefers a perfect body. But do you really want to be with a man that superficial? Trust me if a man is into you, he doesn’t care about your stretch marks or cellulite. I believe once you become a little more comfortable with the guy your dating, the easier it will be to reveal your body and enjoy intimacy with one another.

Dating is not easy at all. I hated going out on dates with people that I was set up with. When you’re single, everyone wants to hook you with his/her friend. “Oh, he is a good guy.” ”You will like him.” “He does this…… he makes this amount of money….. He is perfect for you!” These dates usual irritate the hell out of me and it is always a horrible match and a big waste of my time. I would always think the guy was putting on an impressive show and not being true and I was always right.  I say date people that are friends first. Enjoy the years with your child(ren) before they grow up too fast and your wasting time trying to find a man in the first place. Focus on the important things, strive to make more money, change for the better. Don’t allow a divorce to hold you back. Take that divorce as a lesson and be better.  Through all of it, keep praying and let him guide you to your next adventure!

~Lisa

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