“I just recently divorced my husband after ten years, and I am ready to get back on the dating scene. I’m not sure how to approach dating. There are several men that show interest, but none of them seem to be able to back up all that they say they offer. What are some good ways to comfortably get back into dating?”
I can definitely relate to your situation and my best advice would be to take your time. One thing that I remember reading after getting divorced is that dating allows you to get to know yourself. I thought this was great advice. If you take the position of dating as a way to get to know yourself more, it takes the stress and pressure away somewhat. Decide what you need for yourself and if the man you meet does not meet your needs then you have permission to move on. Decide what you want and need and let that be the gauge as to whether to pursue the relationship further. Remember that you don’t have to think about if the person is marriage material so soon. Get the know the person, take it slow, and see if there is authentic chemistry between the two of you before worrying about what he has to offer.
Dating is just difficult anyway you look at it. I say get back into it knowing what you’re looking for. Online dating allows you to weed out the crazies, but be sure that there are many out there. Meeting him out and about is not fool proof either. You must have patience and hold on to what you want out of this experience.
After my divorce I found that I was most comfortable with group dates. If I was asked out and was interested, I’d ask if it were okay if one or two other couples joined us. I never had anyone reject the idea and it made everything more relaxed and comfortable. I felt safe (since the guys were sometimes virtual strangers) and it provided a great opportunity to see him/her in a social setting. If they were cool in the group and I liked what I observed during the group date, then next time I had no problem with a one-on-one date. If I didn’t like their behavior or didn’t feel a connection, then it was no harm, no foul. No one really got upset if the second date didn’t happen.
I think dating after a divorce can be challenging. I would suggest to try and heal from the divorce first before dating because some of those issues in your prior marriage can carry on to your new relationships. Once you are ready to date, go into it with the intentions on building a friendship first. Don’t make the mistake of trying to find a man before your ex husband finds a woman (a lot of women do this), just have fun and enjoy yourself. This is the time to find out what you really want in life and a man. Also check out my blog on Dating after Divorce!
Dating is just kind of difficult in my opinion in general. I don’t think you should put too much pressure on yourself. Take a deep breath and take your time. Go at your own pace with it. Maybe do some things with your girlfriends first so you feel more ready to be social. Get to know some men from friends of friends so maybe you feel more comfortable to start stepping out on your own.
You made some great points