Can you be in love with two men?
When my boyfriend and I took a break after 5 years of being together, I ran into an old friend and we begin to become close. My boyfriend wanted to work things out with me really bad and I felt he was sincere so I took him back because I love him. However, my old friend is really the one I want to be with.
Here is the comparison:
Current boyfriend: I know he loves me, but he is a selfish person. I can’t be myself with him. He is very judgmental, and he does not have his life together. He is a fun person to hang out with, but we barely hang out together because he puts his friends first and he is always with them. We have trust issues and I am not completely happy in the relationship. However, he is a good person and I know he loves me but I just don’t think it’s enough. He does try to change and make things work in our relationship, but he always falls back into his old ways. Again we have been together for 5 years and I don’t think he will ever marry me. Something in this relationship is missing, but I can’t put my finger on it. However, I really do love him!
Old Friend: He is everything I want in a man. He is thoughtful, considerate, so in love with me. I feel like he is my best friend and I can talk to him about anything. I feel free when I am with him and he doesn’t judge me. He makes me feel a way that my current boyfriend has never made me feel. It’s like he is my soul mate and I know he will make me happy. I know my life with him will be so much better. I know no one is perfect, but I know he is close to it.. I tried to stay away from him because my current boyfriend would be devastated if he found out, but I can’t. I can’t stop thinking about him! He knows all about my current issues with my boyfriend and he is willing to wait on me. I know I should be with him, but I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend.
What do I do?
Here is some help from the ladies of CLS!
I’ve pondered this question for a while now and I don’t believe that we are capable of being truly in love with two people at the same time. To be in love with someone requires us to give that person our whole heart, loyalty, honesty, and faithfulness. It’s not possible to give all of that to two people simultaneously. I do, however, think that we can love different aspects of multiple people. One man might be incredibly supportive while another might be an amazing lover, and yet another a great provider, but neither of those things is enough to build a solid relationship on. True love is going to be a combination of those traits and a whole lot more.
Now the “old friend” in this situation is clearly the man you want to be with. Believe me when I say that you are not doing your boyfriend any favors by staying with him simply because of your five year history. It is important for us to recognize when its time to move on. If you can’t be yourself, freely express your thoughts and ideas or grow with the current boyfriend, then it’s time to do yourselves a favor and part ways. You both deserve someone that’s going to love you unconditionally and accept you as you are.
What should you do??? You should not be with either of them. There are some key phrases that keep jumping out with me. You keep saying but he loves me and he loves me. Make yourself happy first. Love comes from with in and then it returns back to you.
What I am hearing from you is that you have placed your boyfriends feelings in higher regard than your own. That is how you will end up miserable for a long time. It sounds like you need to prepare to have a sit down discussion with your boyfriend and tell him that it is not working out. It is not fair to him to remain in a relationship, out of comfort, when your heart and mind is with another man. Even if you are not in love with your boyfriend, show him you love and care for him by releasing him to someone that can fully appreciate him for who he is. It is not your responsibility to take care of him or his emotions. That is his business. You are responsible for your own happiness. Therefore, it is time to release him so that you can live the life you truly desire and deserve.
**Pray about every decision**
Good Luck and Be Happy!!!
Treat these situations separate. You seem to idealize the old friend because you are unhappy with where you are with your life with the current boyfriend. First, you need to assess your relationship with the current boyfriend. Don’t stay because he loves you or because of history. Stick with it because you two love one another and there is something there that you can make work. If that is not the case, move on- and that does not mean to move on to the old friend.
The old friend may truly care for you, but he has been listening to all of your complaints about the boyfriend, so he will do everything right for the moment to grab your attention and win the prize- your love and affection. But that does not mean that because it feels good now that it is totally right. You need the opportunity to see if it is right outside of the shadow of your feelings on your current relationship.
Yes, you can love more than one person. But you need to understand what you want in a relationship clearly, be honest with yourself, and then choose accordingly. Use your head as well as your heart.