~”Let go of the “shoulda, coulda, woulda’s” and accept what is and where you are in this moment.”

Okay, so you’ve decided to call it quits.  Or maybe someone has decided for you.  Either way, now is not the time to wallow heavily in self-pity, eat hundreds of ice cream pints and give up on life.  Consider yourself blessed that you can rewrite the script.  Allow yourself the opportunity to let go of the past and reshape your future.  Follow these four key strategies to strengthen and renew yourself:

1. Forgive Yourself and Others – One important step that helped me tremendously was self-forgiveness and forgiveness of others.  I sat down one day while completing a guided meditation on forgiveness and was brought to tears.  It was amazing how simple, yet powerful this step was for my growth journey.  Do this as early as possible and how often necessary until you have cleared any blocks of forgiveness lingering in your spirit.
2. Release and Let Go – Any thoughts, habits and behaviors that no longer serve you will stunt the growth progress as you overcome the pain and trauma of the divorce.  Let go of the “shoulda, coulda, woulda’s” and accept what is and where you are in this moment.  You may need to write a letter to yourself or someone else to release any stale emotions or energy that you do not need to take with you through this change journey.
3. Get Active – The divorce process is very stressful and one of the ways to combat this stress is to stay active.  Physical activity is one of the best ways to combat the negative impact of stress on the mind and body.  As you workout, repeat positive affirmations in your head.  Visualize yourself stronger both emotionally and physically while you are on cardio equipment.  Daydream about your dreams and goals. These strategies helped me to reframe and strengthen my mind.
4. Seek Professional Guidance – Before the separation, I knew that I needed to get someone to help guide me through the separation and divorce process.  I had never done this before and was focused on ensuring that my children would be okay.  What this meant for me was finding a counselor that can help me process all of the emotions I was having.  After interviewing a few counselors, I found a perfect match.  I still see her to this day.  Although conversations with friends were helpful, they were not neutral to the situation, which sometimes led to unproductive advice.

One thing that I often hear from others as they end unsuccessful relationships is that they don’t want to make the same mistakes in choosing a mate as they did in the past.  One way to do that is to focus less on your future mate and more on becoming the best “you” you can be.  The stronger and more self-aware you are, the greater the likelihood that you will attract the one that is perfect for you!  All the best to you on your change journey!

~Hilda

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