I Found Your Man In My Inbox Again

“And while I’m not against a trip down memory lane, or catching up for old time’s sake, what I won’t do is entertain someone else’s man.”

man inbox

When I separated from my ex- husband, I did not make a huge announcement. There was no change to my Facebook status and I did not post anything exclusive to the fact. Still somehow, my inbox was full. Full of men who wanted to just say hi, or just say that they thought that I was beautiful.

Flattery gets you everywhere. And while I’m not against a trip down memory lane, or catching up for old time’s sake, what I won’t do is entertain someone else’s man.

Not knowingly at least.

Here’s the deal. I’ve never been the type that liked to share. That was one thing that my mother never really enforced with me. She used to tell me to take care of the things that I loved and liked, and while it was nice to share, it was not mandatory. And if you do share, do so knowing that 1. you are giving without expecting in return, 2. that I shouldn’t expect other people to take care of my things the way that I would, and 3. not everyone is worth sharing with.

I’ve kind of carried that frame of mind with me throughout life. I don’t really like to share my food, and I for damn sure don’t want to share my man.

So when I see these men in my inbox, sure the approach is innocent enough- “Let’s chat and catch up”, “Where have you been? I haven’t seen you in a while”, or the old innocent “Hello Beautiful” after I post a status update.

They are friendly enough and then the conversation usually goes left. Invitations to come see them or to come and see me, offers for plane tickets and trips, “We should hang out“.

iphone-

This is happening to a lot of my female friends.

Why?

I believe that the internet makes us all way too accessible. I can do a search, find you, watch your life for a moment, get caught up in nostalgia, and then reach out to you. All in under five minutes. All while your wife is at work. All while she is in the next room cooking dinner for you and your children. We live in this voyeuristic society that now prides itself on peeking into each other’s lives. You can easily get caught up in the cute picture I posted and what looks like the excitement of my life.

The internet also floods us with a variety of options. The doors are wide open for you to explore fantasies and see how others explore those fantasies. There is everything from free porn to dating sites readily at our fingertips.

We can zone out way too easily. Spouse getting on your nerves? You can disconnect by playing with an app on your phone. Nevermind that app is a trolling site. And nevermind most of these trolling sites have men looking to connect with women for one or two time trysts to escape their everyday lives.

I’m learning to ask questions.

Have you ever been married?

Where is your wife?

Where is the mother of your children?

I was blindsided by infidelity in my marriage, and trust me, I would never knowingly do that to another woman. If you are out there in the dating world, you have to be willing to ask questions up front, and walk away if the answer leads to somewhere that it doesn’t need to.

~Tamara

Read Tamara’s Huffington Post Column

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