He’s Mine, I’ll Love Him The Way I Want

I remember watching a few people who I know as they weathered long distance relationships. When I was married, I remember thinking ‘I could never do something like that.’

Now being divorced, long distance would be totally alright.

People have these picture perfect views of what a relationship should be. Faithful, spending all of your time together, devoted to one another.

The truth is, relationships can be difficult. There is no one size fits all for any of it. And besides, people love differently, so how is it possible for all relationships to follow some sort of code or rules?

After being married ten years and then divorced, I decided a change was in order.  I did not look at relationships the same anymore. Not that divorce was anything negative, but I realized that I would have to open to something else this time around.

Besides, I spent at least two years single before deciding to date anyone seriously, so I had come to enjoy my time alone and my space. There was something delicious about having the bed to myself and not having to think about anyone but myself (and the kids of course). My life was no longer one big compromise and I grew to like it.

I worried at first that if I got into a relationship that I would not be able to break out of these single habits. Then I realized that some of those habits were actually okay to keep.  Some of it was just growth on my part.

A lot of the things that I worried about in my marriage did not have to be a problem in future relationships. Partially because I was going to love on my own terms this time around.

Conversation of love and relationships fill my time line on social media. People pondering what love is about, how to love appropriately, what are the rules that one should follow in a relationship.

I figured out there is no one right thing. It’s what you decide it needs to be.

Does long distance work for you? Do it.

Does it work for you to see each other every day? Do it. 

Do the two of you like to have threesomes or go to strip clubs together? Do it.

Do the two of you live in separate households even though you are married? Whatever works for you.

Have you been together happily for years and don’t plan on getting married? That’s okay. 

You see, that’s the thing about relationships. It’s about what works for you. If the two of you communicate your needs, discuss what you want the relationship to look like, and decide what works for you, then nothing else matters.

No one else’s opinion makes a difference. What’s important is that you love the way you see fit. If more people did, there would be more happy couples. Imagine that. Being in love and being happy.

~Tamara

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