You’re Thirtysomething. Why Aren’t You Married?

“Actually, I wouldn’t mind being more like Blanche Devereaux from The Golden Girls.”

kissing couple for blog post

As soon as I openly admitted to divorcing a few years ago, the first question I was asked was if I wanted to start dating again. While I was appreciative of the encouragement to move on from a relationship that needed to end, I found it odd that people were already expecting me to start dating again. Life doesn’t end because a relationship ends, but I was looking forward to the chance to have some time to myself.

The question made me think though? Why are we so quick to pair people up? Our society has an unconscious way of coupling yet constantly displaying images on why your relationship is failing.

At 36, I was on the verge of being single for the first time in my life in years and I was excited about it. Yet people were fully expecting me to get booed up as quickly as possible.

You don’t want to spend too much time alone being single.

You know what you want in a relationship now, so it shouldn’t be that hard for you to find someone. 

Why was the assumption that I was looking for someone? What was wrong with being single and unattached for a while- or as long as I feel like doing so?

Then I started thinking about my friends who are in their 30s and who have never been married. It must be hell. And the ones who have never been married and don’t have kids must be in their own personal level of hellish purgatory.  How annoying must that be to have people asking you when you are going to become part of a pair as if being alone and single is not enough.

I know that people genuinely want you to be happy. I’m sure that’s where the line of questioning comes from. But seriously, it’s annoying.

Why don’t people just ask you, “Are you happy?” or “What do you really want in life?

Those questions seem a bit more appropriate. Asking anything else seems like you are saying “You don’t want to age and become the old lonely cat lady do you?

I am turning 38 this year. I can only imagine how the line of questioning will continue.

Are you dating anyone?

When are you getting married again?

I know that people ask out of love and genuine concern. But it’s not necessary. Especially when you don’t want to accept my answers when I tell you that I’m more interested in improving my career path right now and living my passion and purpose and that I don’t see myself getting married again (not saying I never will, but it’s not even on my agenda).

I really don’t want to answer those questions because when you say, as a young and vibrant woman, that you don’t necessarily desire to be seriously linked with someone in an exclusive relationship, people look at you like you have two heads.

At any rate, I don’t mind too much. I know what’s best for me. I’ve finally figured out that it is best to walk in my calling and I really am not willing to let anything get in the way of that at this moment. I love love. I love relationships. And I know that the universe will bring me what is right for me when it is right.

Until then, I’m fine being single. And I don’t particularly like cats, so I’m not really worried about morphing into a cat lady. Actually, I wouldn’t mind being more like Blanche Devereaux from The Golden Girls. But until then, I’m content to work on myself, love my kids, and send positive vibes out through Caramel Lattes and Stilettos.


Read Tamara’s Huffington Post Blog

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