~”Part of the problem is that many of us are too willing to live these ghetto fairy tales (self included).”

I’m a meme addict. I confess. I have them downloaded and screenshot them in my phone, ready to pull the trigger when the context is right. They are funny and they seem to always say just what is running through my mind.

Memes are all fun and games, until someone starts to take them seriously as the blueprint for their #relationshipgoals. Some are so encouraging, some are empowering, and some should remind us of how ratchet our relationships really are.

Some of them are funny as hell, but most of them show us a picture of what is actually really wrong in relationships today, versus what is actually right. They are a great snapshot of all of the dysfunction that plagues us on the internet and how we have suddenly let hashtags ruin our lives.

I have this list of all of the things that I want, and require in a relationship. And I can’t lie, there are a few artists that I follow on Instagram that easily speak to my mood. They just seem to get what I want in a relationship. But they are more often than not men and that leads me to wonder why they wax prophetic and are single.

Part of the problem is that many of us are too willing to live these ghetto fairy tales (self included).  You know ladies, the one where your boo who is a bit rough around the edges comes along, he falls for you despite his tough exterior, and you are able to love him just enough to cool out that rough demeanor that drew you to him in the first place. It’s that fairy tale complex that messes us up time and time again and makes us fall for #relationshipgoals.

Remind me again why we are letting a hashtag rule our lives? Who makes up these hashtags anyway? I can’t lie, there is a bit of truth in some of these memes, but they are meant to keep us passing them around the internet, #share and #rp, tagging our friends, giving virtual high fives. Meanwhile, there is a no good boyfriend lingering around your doorstep, ready to sit up in your house with his feet planted firmly on your coffee table and his ass glued to your couch while he loves stays in heavy “like” with you and hides his mommy issues.

While I’m not mad at the message above, the problem is that it does not address the fact that you can’t get to the above with a person that is not your equal. So then we end up with the endless memes like this:

Funny, but ratchet shit. New baby mama? *le sigh*. I bet that was not on the list of your #relationshipgoals when you met him, but here we are. When are we putting being a wife at the top of the list? And why do we think that a guy that hasn’t taken care of his other three children by the other women will suddenly love your sex  you enough to take care of the children that you did not plan to have with him?

#relationshipgoals got us messed up.

They give us this one sided view of what could happen, the possibilities, and they sell us dreams. They keep us hoping for this knight in shining armor and sometimes forget to note that relationships are hard, people are human, and that it takes you being in a good head space to find the right person.

Ownership on being in a healthy relationship starts with self. A few reminders:

• Beauty and the Beast was a Disney movie. Leave it there. Don’t try and live it. It won’t ever work.
• Create your own list of #relationshipgoals based on reality. You have to log off of social media and live in real life.
• That “good man” doesn’t want to spend time  fixing loving your broken pieces. Glue that shit together on your own first.
• Be whole before you attempt to present yourself as ready for a relationship. No one wants to be your counselor, your parent, or your teacher in a healthy relationship. You want a lover and an equal, not any of the above claiming it to be a relationship.

 

~Tamara

Follow me on Twitter @tamaragrant26 and IG @bmorepeach