“We thrive on healthy relationships and can grow because our connections are meant to be blessings to others.”

I don’t know how many times I’ve heard the adage ‘You must love yourself before you love anyone else”.  Sounds simple enough.  But maybe it’s not. How does one love him or herself? How does one get to know one’s self?

I had to start thinking about who I was when I had to write my bio. That was one of the most difficult tasks. We often want to lead with what we do for a living, but that is not all of who we are. We then place labels like Mother, Wife, Sister, Brother, Son. Those are a partial definition, but it still does not say who you are. Coming up with even three words that describe yourself that do not have to do with a career or a role in life can be difficult and give even the most self- assured person pause.

It’s a difficult task for the kind of person that does not like to ever be alone. But it can be just as difficult for the person that likes too much time to him or herself.

While it is important to spend time alone, it’s also important to spend time with other people. There is nothing better than someone holding a mirror up to us and making us accountable for our own dysfunction. Likewise, being around people can also teach you what you are good at and how you can relate better to others in a spiritual connection.

Taking time alone gives you a chance to be introspective.

What kinds of things are you good at?

What are you most passionate about?

What are those things that you hold close that you are proud of and maybe not so proud of?

Are there situations in your life that you continue to repeat? Taking time out to yourself to gain some clarity on some of your behaviors, root beliefs, and being more mindful of your thoughts would be helpful in determining why those behaviors and situations repeat themselves.

If you are the type of person that is uncomfortable being alone, get out of your comfort zone and go out to dinner or a movie on your own. Why is it that you feel the need to be continuously connected to another? And in your continuous connections, are these relationships healthy?

If you are the type of person that is comfortable being alone more often than with others, step out of your comfort zone and schedule time with a good friend at least two or three times a month. Humans are hard-wired for contact and socialization. We thrive on healthy relationships and can grow because our connections are meant to be blessings to others.

Love for self is necessary. But it starts with knowing who you really are. Give yourself permission to explore. Once you know who you are, you can genuinely and intrinsically be happier in life.

Think about the following:

• Describe yourself in three words
• What three words do you think that other’s use to describe you
• How do you most want to be remembered?

~Tamara

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