“I end up asking myself “Why did I pick up the phone?” or “Why does this person even have my number?”

I was told once by my fairy godmother (yes, I have one) that one day I would wake up and acknowledge who I really am. She described me as a ray of sunlight and told me that people would be attracted to that light and warmth. And because of that, I needed to be more discerning regarding who I allow access to me.

Honestly, I heard what she said. I was listening. I swear I was. But to me, I’m just me.

So I decided to step outside of “me” and try to see what others see when they see me. It was difficult, but I asked my friends for feedback. They did not hold back- which was to be expected. I appreciated that.

And then I finally understood what my fairy godmother was telling me. You ever walk outside into a beautiful warm day, close your eyes, and just hold your face up to soak in the warmth of the sun? The warmth radiates through you and you crave more. You feel refreshed. There are people like that. Their positive energy is like a magnet and it draws you in.

The problem- being that sunlight, you often feel depleted. Sometimes people aren’t aware that they are draining you. They could be simply seeking healing.  Those phone calls where they call and “vent” (dumping- we’ll discuss the difference in a sec). Those times when you are around them and you physically feel tired afterwards.

Then there are the people who know that they are taking and they take anyway. That is the reason that you have to be aware. You are off limits. And you can’t make yourself tangible to everyone.

I’ve struggled with being more open and not appearing so standoffish. I know that people see me that way. It works for me sometimes and sometimes it doesn’t. I would like to be more open, but I find when I am, people swoop in and take advantage, leaving me feeling drained and low on energy. I end up asking myself “Why did I pick up the phone?” or “Why does this person even have my number?”

I’m learning that I don’t need to be so tangible. When you aren’t so accessible, there are less people to cut off and there is way less drama! You are able to have more piece of mind because you are not weighed down with other people’s problems.

Be aware of venting vs dumping. We all need to vent from time to time. But when people vent, they are appreciative of your listening ear. They ask if you have the time to listen. They are usually solution oriented and open to hearing your feedback. People who dump just need to talk and get whatever it is off of their chest. They don’t want any feedback from you, and they are more concerned about clearing their internal space so for all intents and purposes, they could be talking to the bricks in the wall just the same because they can go on and on without caring if you are listening or not. They just need to say what they want to say.

It’s up to you to protect your spirit. Make sure you don’t give too many pieces of yourself away. Like your time, you don’t get that back.

• Don’t be afraid to say no. Saying yes too often makes you too available to people.
• Set boundaries. You have to teach people how to treat you.
• Downsize. Get rid of unnecessary things and people in your life.
• Find outlets for yourself. Find a hobby or relaxing activity and make it priority to do.
• Take your time. Feel people out. Check the situation before going all in.

~Tamara

Follow me on IG @bmorepeach